Herein is a brief summary of my personal encounter with the living God. I was born in 1976 in Agra, India, the city of the Taj Mahal. I was brought up in the highest caste, Brahmin, who are typically the priests in the temples and are the agents of uncountable gods and goddesses. Hinduism teaches that there is only one reality and that is Brahman; all else is Maya (Illusion). It says, "You are God...you just don't know it yet. Look within and realize that you and Brahman are One, and you will be delivered from the illusion of fleshly passions." Hinduism's essential beliefs consist of the teachings of karma, reincarnation, and universal oneness. The great objective of Hinduism is God-consciousness through endless meditation, yoga, repeated prayers, holy baths in the Ganges, offerings to idols, sacrifices, mantras, rituals, pilgrimages. in order to appease God and elevate the worshipper into oneness with God. My mother would faithfully spend time every morning worshipping the idols that we kept in a set apart area of our house. Consequently, I developed a fascination for them, placing my trust in the Hindu gods. I was God conscious yet used to wonder who God is. I set out for America at 8 years of age.
In my junior year in high school, I took an electrical engineering course at a satellite school where I met my friend, J ----- . It was during that time that he had made a radical conversion to Christ. He shared his faith with great zeal and with deep conviction. My idea of Christianity was that it was merely following a set of moral rules, for the sake of good works, like all the other religions. So, to prove this, I asked him if it was wrong to have sex before marriage. I already knew the answer and his response simply confirmed my initial perception of Christianity. J ---- invited me to come to church. Since we had become good friends and because I respected all faiths, I decided to check it out.
During the main service at the church, the minister preached passionately and with great boldness about a relationship with the living God through Jesus. J ----- had me buy a bible from the bookstore. That evening as I was pondering the sermon, on one hand I was offended by the preacher as to how he could be so narrow-minded by preaching Jesus as the only way to God, but also at the same time I was struck by the depth of intimate relationship that the preacher enjoyed with this personal God. So, I thought to myself, "What if this Jesus is for real?" I had hoped that He wasn't, because if He was than I knew that I would have to change my lifestyle. Since I was hungry for Truth, I prayed a simple prayer that night asking Jesus if He was really real than to prove and reveal Himself to me. I had no expectations that any convincing proofs would follow. I immediately started reading the book of Matthew, but the Christian message was too painful to digest. I just simply could not believe that a loving God could be so harsh like Jesus because of His strong words and bold actions. I thought to myself there is no way I could believe in Jesus as God because if He really loved people, than He would not offend anyone or be so hard on people.
As a senior in high school, I vividly remember one afternoon I came across a Christian minister on TV, where I saw people sharing their testimonies about how Jesus healed them from various sicknesses and several had come out of wheelchairs. Suddenly, with a deep desire to know if Jesus was really God, I broke down with tears crying out to God to make Himself real to me. That very instant I got a call from J ----- , who I had not heard from for several months, inviting me to a bible study. So, I thought this had to be more than a coincidence.
Throughout high school and early college years, I had a deep hunger for Truth and I began to seek out the supernatural. I started practicing meditation through light and sound technology, hypnosis through subliminal tapes, experimented with Ouija boards, tried to develop psychic powers, pursued out of body experiences, mind over matter, went to psychics for palm reading, astrology, and tarot card readings.through whatever means provided by Hinduism/New Age in trying to connect with the supernatural. I formulized my perception of truth through involvement with new age/self-help materials. I believed that when I unlocked these supernatural powers within me, that I would find fulfillment and completion of purpose. I believed that just as several roads lead to a city, so also all religions and all ways are stepping stones that will take you to God. This appealed to me because it was non-confrontational and also it seemed very rational. I didn't see any difference between Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, Krishna. because to me all religions were the same, having universal moral values and their founders as those who had attained enlightenment. The peaceful looking yogis and gurus always impressed me; it seemed that they knew the purpose of life. I believed that Jesus walked in great power but I was not willing to believe on Jesus alone.
The God described in Christianity did not make sense to me. I did not understand why an all-powerful God would allow so much evil in this world. The Christians would blame everything bad on the devil, but I felt it was a cop-out to blame everything bad on the devil when really their God should intervene. I figured they just blamed everything bad on the devil in order to make their God look good. I could not comprehend why a loving God would send people to hell. I asked questions like "How do you know God exists?", "Why is Christianity the only way to God?" Furthermore, I did not want to serve this God because it was too costly and too demanding on my life. I wanted to have freedom to make my own decisions. Almost everyone I knew who did believe seemed to feel that way only because they grew up in a religious family, their faith in God seemed like it was based on family tradition, not truth.
From my early days of innocence to my adulthood, I did not know what sin was, so I did not know that I needed to be saved from anything. The concept of sin separating us from a pure and holy God was a direct contrast to my beliefs, because in Hinduism we were gods. So, even though I had bad thoughts and committed unworthy deeds I did not bother about them. I was not a bad person in my own eyes. Even if I did bad things, the good always seemed to more than compensate for the bad. This made me feel good about myself. I thought if there really is a God, He knows that I have a good heart and He'll surely accept me. In spite of my lying, drinking, pride, rebellion, immorality, filthy mind.I thought that I really was a pretty good person and most people felt the same way.
During my first year in college I became close with a Christian lady named D ----- . Our religious ideas clashed because she was of the Christian faith. So, in order to preserve the relationship and out of respect for her, I began taking her to the same church that J ----- had introduced me to a few years back. I began to pray a little but I sought God for selfish reasons, I just wanted Him to answer my prayers. I would read the bible and listened to Christian radio programs, but struggled inside about giving up my lifestyle of sin. The real spiritual struggle began in me as I wrestled with this concept of man being separated from God due to sin (disobedience to God's authority). As I went to church, I began to feel greater conviction and a sense of uncleanness before God, because of my immorality. I reasoned that I would "really serve" God when I was much older when the youthful lusts weren't so strong. I knew that following Jesus meant I had to turn away from my sins. I didn't want to do that! There was too much pleasure in my sin. I was still looking at Christianity through my religious glasses, seeing the Bible as full of Do's and Don'ts, rules and regulations, and that I had to walk it out through personal effort and difficult works to appease this God. I still continued my search to fill this inner emptiness. I was comforted by hearing this Scripture on Christian radio, "And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart"
After some time, I came to realize that my sins had separated me from God, because up until that point I was blinded by my own rebellion against God and my need for a Savior. I surrendered my heart to God, only partially because soon after I began to allow my personal desires and ambitions to once again rule my life. Even though I had felt sorry for my sins, I was trying to live for God in my own strength and was struggling with lustful desires and fearing people's rejection. In my mind I convinced myself that I was not good enough or strong enough to be a Christian. I had wanted to serve Christ and also wanted for Him to save me from illness and pain and, of course, from hell, but I still wanted to live in my sins. So, it was not that I did not want God, but I wanted other things more than God. There were still many questions I wrestled with in my mind about the Bible that did not make sense to me.
My third year in college was very frustrating and heart wrenching because I had been deeply wounded by my close relationship with D ----- that I had treasured and now was lost. I came to the place where life seemed totally meaningless and I was without purpose, only wanting to die. For years, I had pursued the methods I learned and had done things my own way. But when I finally looked at myself, I found only deep emptiness! I was weary from running around trying to fill my emptiness through religions, relationships, pleasing people, etc. Ending my life at that point seemed the greatest suggestion my rational mind could think of.
I was reminded of how the God of Christianity was relational and actively loved us. I saw that in all religions, man makes the effort to go to God, while in Christianity; God comes to where we are. I pondered testimonies of those who lived for Christ who seemed confident in decisions they made because they knew God helped them and how their life was full of peace and joy. I concluded that I had nowhere else to turn to but to Jesus, because I understood that not only did He heal bodies but also broken hearts. Realizing that my own way only brought more pain, I surrendered myself completely in reverence to Jesus. The fear of God came upon me as I was reading about and witnessing several prophecies from the Bible coming to pass with amazing accuracy. I was filled with bitterness and hatred toward life's disappointments. So, I made the promise, "I'll serve you no matter how many times I fall [meaning it would only be a temporary fall, that I'd get back up] if You'll heal this broken heart". At first, I was bothered because I didn't feel an immediate relief, but I realized that Christ never promised wonderful experiences and feelings at the time anyone accepts Him. But that does not negate the authenticity of Jesus' promise. So, even though I had felt nothing when I took this step of faith, the peace and stability that I had longed for came progressively as a result of serving Him. A transformation took place in my heart; genuine love for God and for people began to fill my heart driving out fears and bitterness.
As I attended church services, I felt built up on the inside because the messages preached would unveil my heart and I would receive the wisdom and power of God over my troubling situations. I began to master the basics, like church attendance, prayer.and got involved in ministry and bible school. That summer I went to a conference in Tulsa, Oklahoma with J ----- and after personally witnessing the healing miracles and demonstrations of God's power in those meetings, all doubts about Christianity had been removed and I was completely rooted in Christ. A peace beyond comprehension now guards me day and night. That inner vacuum and emptiness has been filled forever! I began to witness God working thru me, in one case, I prayed for a man with a dislocated shoulder and he was instantly healed, previously he had not been able to move his arm for over a year.
My parents thought that my newfound belief in Jesus was another phase and that it would soon pass. All my family had a hard time with my conversion. Since religion and culture are closely linked in Indian society, they believed that the culture a person is born into determines the religious beliefs of that person. My family loved me very much, but they could not understand why a person like me of Brahmin status would resort to a low-caste religion of the Untouchables. They thought that it was only because of me having spent so many years in America that I was influenced by Western thinking and deceived by the Christians. During these times of family pressures, I had to remind myself of Scriptures such as Jesus saying that if you want to be my follower you must love Me more than your family and that there will be strife and division in the family on account of Him.
In summary, the Bible says that in God's sight all of us are guilty in the light of His standards and laws. No one had to teach us to lie, to lust, to be selfish, to hate, to hold a grudge, to deceive. You may say, Well I'm a good person with a good heart, why wouldn't God accept me? If your drinking water only had 2% sewage, would you still drink it? In the same way, God looks for purity in our lives - nothing less than 100%. And the penalty for breaking God's laws is death (being eternally separated from God). That's why God sent His Son into the world, to show his great love for us by sending Christ to suffer the death penalty for us. Jesus was raised from the dead on the third day and is alive forevermore. You may say, "Well, I have my own personal way to God?" The Bible says, "There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death." Jesus is the only bridge between God and man. Jesus and Krishna (or anybody else) cannot share the same throne or be the same one God, because God does not have multiple personality disorder. Jesus said, "I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life, No one comes to the Father except through Me." He is the only one who can reconcile you to God, healing your heart and filling that emptiness with His love, peace, and joy.
Questions or Comments:
Kaleb Shukla (989) 482-1521, pkaleb@yahoo.com
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